An alliance of love ~ Chapter 20 (Bad end 5)

I spent my days mostly at Kouen’s side, or for as long as I was allowed to be with him. When it came to war councils, I would be sent away. Though I’d rather spend my time around Koumei, I sat in the library or played with Kouha, who just like the other children of Koutoku, had gained a status as prince. Koumei was seen with his brother most of the time, what meant that he too joined the councils. I was used to the big amount of war councils the empire had. Hakuren and Hakuyuu had joined at least one every week. But now that I couldn’t be around my own husband, they were boring and a little scary. Kou was always at war, even when its imperial court was still going through many changes. Every single scroll in the public library became known to me in this month, Kouen’s private collection would be next. That was if I’d find the motivation to open a scroll or read the letters written down on the paper. Perhaps staring at the withering trees of the garden while drinking a  cup of tea was a better idea.

And that was exactly how I spent one week. I had told my favorite maid, the older one who had tended to my burns, to place a small table next to the training grounds. The sound of clashing swords could remove my thoughts. But it left me with an empty feeling. My hands had healed enough to allow me to hold a sword. When I could feel the cold metal against my fingertips, I wanted to cry. I had killed with this thing and still it hadn’t been enough to protect them. But I could protect my new family. Kouen, Koumei, Kouha… Hakuryuu. I needed someone who shouldn’t be tainted by the dark shadows the empress had given free roam. Kouen was strong, but Koumei wasn’t. The boy would fall down if you gave him a small push. Yeah, that would be a great idea. Protection, being a power that could serve the empire again. I wouldn’t be the wife a prince. I was much more than that. I was an independent princess, my country could be gone, but my heart still belonged there.

…

“[Name].” I looked up and saw Kouen’s red eyes stare at me. Koumei stood behind him, scrolls in his arms. “What were you doing?” He asked me.

“I was watching your soldiers train. And I was thinking.” I answered as I let my eyes drift off to the gardens again.

“What were you thinking about?” His voice was stern and I could feel he had an idea on what I had been thinking of.

“I want to train again. I need my skills back and aid you two in ruling the country.” The atmosphere changed. I knew Kouen hated to hear those words, Koumei held in his breath for a moment.

“[Name],” Kouen, my husband, spoke after a moment of silence, “you can’t do that now. You’re not strong enough to start doing this again.”

“You think you can just control my life like that?” I snapped at him. I stood up from my chair, which fell down on the floor. “Our marriage is nothing but  a stupid show we play to entertain your family.” I dared not to look at him, Kouen was angry at me, I was sure of it.

“I just don’t want to talk about it. You can find me in our room if you need me.” I said and walked away.

…

I paced through the hallways, actually I didn’t feel like being around those men anymore. I needed to be alone. But when I turned around the corner, entering the hall that would bring me to my chambers, I almost bumped into someone. My feet stopped underneath me, I saw two arms trying to stop me from falling. When I gave a glare at him, he pulled his hands in again, even took a few steps back.

“You are…?” I tilted my head slightly, I knew I had seen this man before, but my memory was fuzzy.

“K-Ka Koubun, princess. I’m the caretaker of your husband’s youngest sister.” As he said this, I noticed the little girl that stood behind him and hid herself from my view. Ren Kougyoku, if I remembered right. She had lived in the palace for a while, but she had been neglected her whole life. The daughter of a prostitute, now the eighth princess of a big empire.

“I see,” I said, “please excuse me, Ka Koubun, but I’m feeling tired.” For once I wasn’t telling a lie to run away. A wave of fatigue started to take over my body.

“Ah yes, I’m sorry for holding you up, princess. You do look a little pale, if I may say so. Hopefully you can rest well.” The way he called me princess started to irritate me. I was no princess of Kou, having married their prince would never change that. Why couldn’t he call me ‘my lady’ like all the other servants did. But I decided not to comment on it.

“Thank you, Ka Koubun.” I said and gave him a small nod as a way of goodbye. But when I walked past him, I felt my energy fade with every step. Before I reached my chambers, my legs gave out. Before my body came in contact the ground, I felt a pair of hands supporting me and lowering me to the floor.

“Ka Koubun?” I recognized those purple tattoos on his face, but that was all I could see clearly. “I’m just… tired.” I buried my face against his chest. That he wasn’t my husband, or anyone of the imperial family, didn’t bother me.

“Ah, princess…” His voice sounded like little squeaks, but it faded away soon enough. I just wanted to rest, finally.

…

There was darkness everywhere. The palace was nowhere to be seen, there was nothing. I looked around, hoping to spot someone who could save me from that place, but there was no one around. My steps echoed around me… I was alone.

Then there were two lights. White lights, shining up in the distance. I followed them, white birds started to fly around me as I came closer their source.

The birds came together and where they met, they took the form of two men. I ran towards them. I knew these men, I loved them, I-

“Hakuren…. Hakuyuu…” Tears started to run down my cheeks. “I thought I’d never see you again.” I wanted to hug them, bury myself in their arms and never let go. But I couldn’t touch them, my fingers fell right through.

Hakuren raised his hand as if he wanted to pet my head, but his touch could never reach me.

“[Name]” Hakuyuu spoke eventually. “We’re sorry. For everything, this was never our intention.”

“Leaving you behind is difficult.” Hakuren continued, “but we are with you, watching you and Kouen live. Even if we aren’t there, you can make the best of it. Kouen is a good man and he’ll treat you right.” He smiled, that smile I missed so much.

“Don’t give up, [name]. After all, Hakuryuu needs someone who can protect him from the danger our mother brought with her. The boy must be terrified, having lost most of his supporting pillars.”

The birds started to chirp, their sound so loud I could barely hear the brothers talk. Their gazes drifted off to the direction the birds flew into. Then, one last look at me.

“We can’t stay [name].” Hakuyuu said, his form started to fade away.

“Be there for our little brother when he wakes up. And support Hakuei as well.” Hakuren said as he too started to disappear.

I wished I could run after them. But they were already gone, all I did was grasp at a cloud of white, chirping birds.

…

My hand was stretched out, reaching to the ceiling. The room was filled with light. I was back… I had been asleep, dreaming about what I wanted to see.

“You’ve finally woken up.” I turned my head and saw Kouen and Koumei sat next to the bed. “You collapsed yesterday, you were lucky that Ka Koubun was close.”

I stared back at the sheets of the bed. “I’m sorry, Kouen, for making you worry. I just… I’ve been thinking so much lately. I can’t fall asleep at night, I keep thinking about Hakuryuu.”

“We already know that. I talked with your maids.” Kouen answered, “You haven’t been eating much lately, have you.”

I nodded.

“[Name],” This time it was Koumei who was talking, “if it is Hakuyuu you’re worried about, you should be relieved. He woke up when you were asleep. He’s still weak, but he will survive.”

“He… woke up?” I couldn’t believe his words at first, but this was Koumei. That boy never lied. “Kouen, I have to see him.” I jerked up and wanted to jump out of the bed, run to Hakuryuu’s room. But Kouen stopped me.

“You’re going to eat first. Hakuryuu is sleeping right now and I don’t want you to collapse again. Plus, we need to talk.” He eyed at Koumei who, in return, bowed at his older brother and left the room. In return a young servant boy returned with some soup, but he too left as soon as Kouen told him to.

“Eat.” He shoved the bowl in front of me. Hesitant I took a sip, the flavor felt great on my tongue. Not having to worry about Hakuryuu right now really made everything better.

“About what you said yesterday, about wanting to use your sword again,” Kouen traced with his fingers across his sword, “you can do it once I think you’re ready. If you’re emotionally back on track and your wounds won’t cause you any trouble, then I will train you personally. It is what he would have wanted.” He still held on to his sword. Then I saw it.

“That isn’t your old sword, is it?” Because I knew that sword. “It’s Hakuyuu’s.”

Kouen nodded. “He entrusted it to me. Before I left for the dungeon, he came to visit me. He told me that if anything would happen to him, he wanted me to take his sword and fight for his empire with it. That is what I will do, my Djinn has already settled in it.”

“I see, you have a memento of them.” I stared at the bowl in front of me. My hopeless face was reflected in the soup. I kept on being reminded that I was a weak girl, with nothing but memories to remember the princes.

“About that.” Kouen took a piece of cloth from the bed stand. “They found this in the remains of the old palace. It was damaged, but I had some people restore it to its original form.”

I took the cloth and unwrapped it. Inside lay a golden hairpin. The butterfly I had seen the day before I lost everything  had come back to me.

“Thank you, Kouen.” I said. This was one of the best things I could’ve wished for. Together with Hakuryuu waking up. There was a piece of Hakuren left in this world and I would carry it with me until the end.

…

When the doors to Hakuryuu’s room opened, I could barely keep my emotions under control. The boy was wrapped in bandages, like I had seen him these past two months. But he sat up, and looked at me. Kouen, who had come with me, started to talk with one of the healers who were present in the room. But I walked forward. Slowly, until I could no longer keep my tears to myself. I wrapped my arms around the boy, who looked at me in confusion.

“Hakuyuu, Hakuren, I’m so glad you didn’t take him from me. Thank you.”